Marriage - A bond & covenant established by God in Creation

What is

Marriage

The joining of two people in a life of mutual fidelity signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and His Church, and so it is worthy of being honored among all people. The union of two people in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the gift of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.

The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage 2 @ Church Publishing, 2015

 

In The Episcopal Church it is required that at least one of the parties
be a baptized Christian, that the ceremony be attested by at least two
witnesses, and that the marriage conform to the laws of the state and
the canons of the church. The member of the clergy who will solemnize
the marriage typically meets with the couple on several occasions prior to the service to discuss the meaning of Christian marriage in the
couple’s life. When one of the parties has been previously married and
divorced, the consent of the diocesan bishop must be obtained prior to
solemnization of the marriage. If you are feeling called to marriage, visit, email or call the Rector, Father Ian Delinger.

If you would like more information about weddings at St. Stephen’s, you can read more below.

Weddings St. Stephen’s

Q:        Who may have their wedding at St. Stephen’s?

A:         Any couple, of any gender pairing, who is serious about marriage in the Christian Faith. You do not need to be a member of St. Stephen’s or an Episcopal church. You do need to consent to be married using the liturgy of The Episcopal Church and consent to modeling your marriage in a way that is consistent with the teachings of The Episcopal Church.

Q:        What do I need in order to get married at St. Stephen’s?

A:         The first thing to do is to speak with the Rector (senior priest). The Rector will be able to speak with you about possible
dates and to explain the traditions and expectations. If the decision is made that your wedding will be at St. Stephen’s, you must obtain a marriage license issued by the County Clerk. Bring this license with you to the rehearsal. The wedding cannot take place without a valid, signed license.

Q:        Will the priest officiate our wedding at another venue?

A:         Yes! Father Ian will gladly officiate your wedding at another venue. The first thing to do is to speak with the Rector to discuss the possibilities. Most of the rest of this FAQ applies except music and decoration of the church. Also, the only fee will be for the officiant.

Q:        Do we have to attend pre-marriage classes?

A:         Yes. But, they are not classes. Typically, the priest will meet with the couple, then meet each person separately, then meet with the couple again. The purpose of these meetings is to discuss the meaning of Christian marriage in the couple’s life and any concerns you have about living a married life. These meetings are not for planning the marriage ceremony. That can be done separately, mostly through emails and phone calls. If you are not within a reasonable driving distance, the pre-marriage meetings can be arranged online. However, the last meeting must be in person, and be at least 4 weeks before the marriage ceremony.

Q:        How personalized can we make the service?  

A:         The service or liturgy must follow that set out by The Episcopal Church. You can read the liturgy of The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage here. If you wish to write your own vows, they will be supplemental to the vows in the liturgy, and will be said before the official vows.

Q:        What music can we have played?

A:         All music used during the service should reflect the liturgical and sacramental nature of the service. Only sacred, Christian music can be played or performed during the service. You can discuss music choices with the Rector. Please note, the very popular and familiar wedding marches of Mendelssohn and Wagner, come from contexts which are not in harmony with the holiness of marriage and love and are discouraged as part of your marriage ceremony. We can assist you will choosing wedding marches from sacred music that are equally beautiful. The Organist and musicians of St. Stephen’s will be offered to play or sing at your service. If there is a musician known to you whom you would like to be a part of your wedding, please consult with the Rector before asking that musician to perform.

Q:        Can we decorate the sanctuary however we want to?

A:         Not quite. The marriage service really focuses on the couple and their love and commitment. The beauty surrounding that comes from the historic Carpenter Gothic building. But modest flower arrangements can be included to be alongside the candles used in all of the other services. Any decor beyond that should be discussed with the Rector.

Q:        What about the wedding rehearsal?

A:         The rehearsal is usually a day or two before the wedding, by mutual agreement. Every person who has a role in the service is expected to attend the rehearsal, including the photographer. We will walk through the entire service. If a member of your family or friends is doing a reading, they will practice at the lectern and microphone.

Q:        Our photographer wants close-ups. Is that OK?

A:         Yes, if they have a good telephoto lens! In general, photographers and videographers will need to remain in the back of the church and engage in very little movement. A second photographer, videographer or camera can be placed in the transept. No persons or equipment is allowed in the chancel (inside the altar rail). No flash or lighting may be used during the service (before and after is fine). Silent shutters are preferred. Any photographs that require close-ups or different angles can be staged after the service. Please instruct your family and friends not to use cameras or to stand up during the service to take pictures/video. Also include in your wedding program: “No photography of any kind is allowed during the marriage ceremony.”

Q:        Is there a fee for weddings?

A:         Yes. If you are not a pledging member of St. Stephen’s, there are fees for the following: the sanctuary, the Organist and any additional musicians, flowers (unless you arrange with the Rector to bring your own), the Rector, the Altar Guild and the service booklet if produced by St. Stephen’s. If you want your reception in the parish hall, there is a separate fee structure. All tolled, the fees are very reasonable, adding very little to the overall cost of your wedding celebrations. You can obtain a Schedule of Fees from the Rector. A $500 deposit is due at the first pre-marriage meeting. The remainder of the fees can be paid at the rehearsal.

Q:        How do I arrange for my wedding to be at St. Stephen’s?

A:         Visit the church or contact Father Ian on rector@ststephensslo.org or 805-543-7212.

Q:        Can I have my wedding coordinator contact you?

A:         No and yes. In the first instance, the couple must contact the Rector and discuss their intentions for getting married and the particulars of using their wedding coordinator. Once it is clear that the wedding coordinator has a limited role in the marriage ceremony, then the wedding coordinator can get in touch. However, the Rector will mostly work directly with the couple.

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office@ststephensslo.org – 1344 Nipomo Street, SLO – 805-543-7212

Jen Cormpton

After spending 15 years in Higher Education Administration, Jen finally pursued their call to ministry and recently received an MDiv degree from Church Divinity School of the Pacific.  Jen is passionate about connecting with those finding themselves unwelcomed in religious communities, is passionate about justice issues, including Queer and Trans inclusion, food, and housing insecurity, and is looking forward to working with the students at Cal Poly and Cuesta.  Jen has also been a poll worker since they were eligible in most elections. Fun Fact about Jen: They love music, musicals, and any accessible hiking trail they can find. 

Cassandra has her Bachelor’s Degrees in Church Music and English Literature from Westmont College, Santa Barbara.  She holds Master’s Degrees in Performance Flute from CSU, Northridge, and in Choral Conducting from SJSU. Ms. Tarantino has taught at Cuesta College, San Luis Obispo since 2006 where she conducts the Concert Choir, teaches private voice and flute, and Musicianship and Classical Music Appreciation.  In 2006 Cassandra founded the Cuesta Concord Chorus and has enjoyed touring the world with them singing with fellow choirs and for veterans.  Ms. Tarantino became Director of Music in 2017.  In April of 2021, Ms. Tarantino passed her Level III Sommelier Exam with the International Sommelier Guild.  She has since become the Sommelier at CASS Winery in Paso Robles and has designed private wine events at Beda’s Biergarten in San Luis Obispo. 

The Rev Jen Cormpton

After spending 15 years in Higher Education Administration, Jen finally pursued their call to ministry and recently received an MDiv degree from Church Divinity School of the Pacific.  Jen is passionate about connecting with those finding themselves unwelcomed in religious communities, is passionate about justice issues, including Queer and Trans inclusion, food, and housing insecurity, and is looking forward to working with the students at Cal Poly and Cuesta.  Jen has also been a poll worker since they were eligible in most elections. Fun Fact about Jen: They love music, musicals, and any accessible hiking trail they can find. 

The Rev. Karen Faye Siegfriedt - Associate Priest

Pastor Karen came to St. Stephen’s in 2018, having retired from 25+ years of ordained ministry.  She has an educational background in nursing, chemistry, environmental management, and theology.  She graduated from the Church Divinity School of the Pacific in 1992 and has served as an associate and rector in several different churches in CA.  The three great loves in her life are Medicine, the Church, and Steph (her partner).  She and Steph are delighted to be part of the St. Stephen’s family.

Father Ian M. Delinger

Fr Ian became Rector in 2016.  Prior to moving to SLO, Fr Ian served as the University of Chester’s Chaplain to the Warrington Campus and to the Faculty of Health & Social Care after serving in the parish of St Clement’s Chorlton-cum-Hardy in Manchester, UK. Prior to ordination, Fr Ian worked in Environmental, Health & Safety consulting in the Silicon Valley and then corporate events management and marketing. Following God’s call, Fr Ian attended seminary at the University of Cambridge and was ordained in the Diocese of Manchester, Deacon in 2004 and Priest in 2005. He was born in California, and was raised in both rural western Nebraska and on the central coast of California. Fr. Ian is very interested in showing the Church and active faith in a positive light in the public arena, including in the media. He hosts a monthly radio segment on KCBX public radio called “Playing With Food”.